The Jump Before Christmas

adapted from a composition by Dan Stinson, Kent Fujiwara, and Mike Fritz (November 1996)

'Twas the jump before Christmas
And all through the plane,
The Jumpmaster's crazy
And the Safety's insane!

The static lines were hung
On the cables with care
In hopes that a green light
Soon would be there.

At the one minute warning
Not a word would be said,
While malfunctions and entanglements
Danced through their heads.

With the door bundles rigged
I hooked up my pack,
"Let's pull this jump off
Without one racetrack!"

When out on the wing
There arose such a clatter,
I opened the door
To see what was the matter,

And what to my night-visioned eyes
Should appear,
But a towed parachutist
And eight soaring reindeer.

I can't believe it
I thought to myself,
A sleigh and some reindeer
And even an elf!

He screamed and they snorted
As he called them some names,
"You nasty mangy reindeer!"
I heard him exclaim.

Then looking right at me,
That old so and so,
Called, "Cut me loose, Trooper,
I'm still good to go!"

So I leaned out the door
And grabbed hold of his sleigh,
He gave a four thousand count
When I cut them away.

They fell through the night
'Til I saw them no more,
Then I came back inside
And yelled, "Stand in the door."

Some jumpers were happy
And some full of fright,
But when the green light came on
They all jumped that night.

On bundle, on jumpers,
The jumpmaster exits the door,
One thousand, two thousand
Three thousand, four!

With my ass in the blast
And my knees in the breeze,
Saint Michael protect me,
From all of these trees!

Dark skies full of chutes
And strong winds did blow,
Then heard a faint distant laughter,
From the DZSO.

Tried a one riser slip
Hand-over-hand to my right,
But my hands were so cold
I could not hold on tight.

Now lower your ruck
And slip hard as you can,
Put your feet and knees together
And get ready to land.

Ball of the feet, calf, thigh,
And push-up muscle,
Then roll up your chute
And move out with some hustle.

To the chute turn-in point,
The red light and a vest,
Be sure your name is scratched
From the jump manifest.

I saw the assembly point
With a strobe light so bright,
I knew even new Troopers,
Would find it that night.

No matter where or when
Be it desert or snow,
The Airborne Troopers
Are ready to go.

It was that towed parachutist
Holding that light,
Pulled pitch in his sleigh
Then flew into the night.

We heard him proclaim
As he flew out of sight
"Happy jumping to all
Now let's call it a night."

I swear to my Maker
For as long as I'm here,
This is how I jumpmastered
With Santa, his sleigh and reindeer.

Have a Merry AIRBORNE Christmas!