Unsafe Jumper am I

[tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"]

My helmet's a World War I relic.
My boots are three sizes too big.
I give everybody the willies
When I strap on my rusty old rig.

Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I, am I;
Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I.

One day a nervous first jumper
Remarked at my great deal of nerve.
I told him that only a coward
Would bother to wear a reserve.

Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I, am I;
Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I.

My capewells are very corroded.
My risers are frayed all to hell.
Because of the burns and blown panels,
My chute doesn't open too well.

Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I, am I;
Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I.

I do not believe in long freefalls.
Ten seconds, or so, is enough.
Up 500 feet when I exit;
It's great, but the landings are rough.

Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I, am I;
Unsafe, unsafe, an unsafe jumper am I.