You May Be A Taliban If ...
adapted from Jeff Foxworthy
You may be a Taliban if ...
... anyone not of your faith is fair game for your lies
and deceits, swindles and cheats, murders and betrayals.
... you promote your religion of peace with a sword.
... you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral
objection to beer and wine.
... you own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but
you can't afford shoes.
... you have nothing against women, and think every man should
own at least one.
... you have sex with your daughters, because it's a religious
tradition going back to the Founder.
... you feel an obligation to mutilate the genitals of your
daughters to properly prepare them for marriage.
... your sacred laws permit you to have sex with your dead wife.
... you have more wives than teeth.
... you wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider
bacon to be unclean.
... you think vests only come in two styles: bullet-proof and
... you can't think of anyone you haven't
already declared Jihad against.
... you consider television and movies to be dangerous, but you
routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
... one of your ancestors invented algebra so you could compute
the variables on an IED.
... you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other
than setting-off roadside bombs.
... you pray five times a day and give alms, but still subsist in
the Dark Ages.
... you've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done
with your cave."
... you bathe at least monthly, whether necessary or not.
... one of your ancestors invented the intrauterine birth control
device by stashing his apricot pit in his camel's womb.
... you've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.