The True Image of the Military Rank Structure
The True Image of the Military Rank Structure
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a GENERAL
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leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful
than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks
on water, and gives command policy to God.
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a COLONEL
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leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful
than a switch-engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
walks on calm water, and talks to God.
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a LIEUTENANT-COLONEL
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leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable
wind, is almost as powerful as a switch-engine, is faster
than a speeding B-B pellet, walks on indoor swimming-pool
water, and talks to God with special permission.
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a MAJOR
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barely clears Quanset huts, loses tugs-of-war with
trolley-cars, can accurately fire a speeding bullet,
swims very well, and is occasionally addressed by God.
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a CAPTAIN
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makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings,
is run-over by locomotives, can frequently handle a gun
without inflicting some self-injury, can doggie-paddle, and
talks to demigods and clergymen.
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a FIRST-LIEUTENANT
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runs into buildings and trips over tents, recognizes a
locomotive most of the time, may not be issued ammunition,
can float with buoyancy aids and clear instructions, and
talks to the walls protected by God.
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a SECOND-LIEUTENANT
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falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings,
calls a locomotive a "pretty Choo-Choo", wets himself
with a water-pistol, likes to splash in mud-puddles, and
mumbles at anything that will listen ... usually just
himself.
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a FIRST-SERGEANT
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lifts buildings and then walks under them, kicks locomotives
off their tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and
chews them up, freezes water with a single glance, and, to
all of us lesser afflicted mortals, he actually
is GOD!
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