You are cordially invited to attend the great and august
Fair-Minded Democratic Inquisition
to be conducted by an impartial panel of populace peers,
who've arrogated the moral authority to investigate YOU
and all of YOUR tendencies, temptations, and transgressions,
in order to prove that your fallible imperfections
are NOT your fault!
... that you've been victimized by unrealistic standards!
This premier committee of fools, knaves, and poltroons
cannot absolve you,
but can make you feel more comfortable with your inadequate mediocrity.
Your participation in this panel will help to diminish expectations,
so that everyone can claim a special interest exemption
or plead a privileged exception to the prevailing norms,
as the rules get justifiably trashed.
So never doubt the wanton selfishness and willing ignorance
of the vastly diverse rank and file,
which seeks to do its own thing
by punishing the Code of Conduct and all who abide by it.
This guilt-free assembly, full of unconditional tolerance and transcendent sensitivity
shall pillory the regulations, burn the restrictions,
and hang our traditional ideals in effigy,
because it's the right thing to do!
Now that this hypercritical inquest has revealed everything,
and everyone have struggled to pardon your immense imperfections,
this session will be concluded by a group hug
to soothe the inevitable pain that everyone feels.