You Might Be A Little Too HOOAH If ...
you believe that tact obstructs military
you know that life can be sustained by naps, coffee, and
the prospect of buying new boots makes you
perspire with excitement.
your uniform and boots could
probably stand at attention without
there is more starch on your uniform than there
is in your diet.
you have to restrain yourself from starching your
the only mufti suit you own is your
Class A uniform.
you categorize non-essential field gear as
your telephone answering machine requests the daily
you carry your alert pager to the shower ...
just in case.
you normally answer the phone at home like the
the phone book lists your rank, instead of a
when talking to relatives by telephone, you end the conversation
you call the Post Locator, instead of
Information, to find your friends.
all your friends automatically align by
you compulsively walk in-step with your
you have a grenade paperweight.
you always back into parking spaces ... just in case.
your wife knows how to PMCS the family car.
you turn on your headlights during the day and shut them off at
your POV has your name stenciled on the
your personalized license plate says At
your alarm clock chimes reveille.
you serenaded your bride with cadence calls.
you wooed your wife by the numbers.
you gave your bride a complete set of FMs and
TMs as a wedding present.
your wife learned to spit-shine on your
your wife responds to HOOAH, regardless of its
you refer to your wife as HOUSEHOLD 6 or
your kids' names all begin with AR.
your family calls you SIR.
your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci
your wife stencils her underwear.
your wife has a different camo-pattern nightie
for every situation.
your wife hasn't unpacked the good china for the last six
your wife has mermites in the china cabinet.
you require that everyone does six pull-ups
before sitting down to dinner.
you butter your toast with a bayonet.
your coffee cup reads: Lead The Way - All The
your meals at home are usually C-rats or
MREs ... with hot sauce.
a squeeze pouch of MRE Jalapeno Cheese Spread is
your idea of gourmet.
your household possessions were all issued by
your wife redecorated your home in camouflage
and recycled munitions.
your wife won't buy anything that doesn't have a National
household chores are posted on a duty
roster by First Sergeant
your wife has a better high 'n' tight than your
your wife thinks cordite and gun
oil are alluring.
your daily cologne is known as "Diesel For the Real
your "nooners" tend to resemble PT.
your wife thinks whispered acronyms are
you tend to dream in OD green.
your wedding anniversary is marked by an ER or
your wife submits a SitRep on each day's
your wife gets a letter of reprimand for failure
your wife always RBIs NLT the
suspense date of any LO.
you had a change of command when your first wife
your kids call the sandbox NTC.
you expelled your kids from the sandbox to work sand
your kids formed their playmates into an
your kids argue tactics with their friends.
your kids mount battle maps in their
your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo
your kids call their schoolteachers: REMFs!
your kids practice drill and ceremony at
your kids regard the playground as good
training for the obstacle
your kids' babydolls all wear starched
your kids put hospital squared corners on their
your kids require that their toys comply with regulation
when your kids are too noisy, you announce At
your kids get an L E S with their allowance.
your kids earn promotion points for
your kids stand white-glove inspections every
your kids learned to bounce quarters on their tightly tucked
you give your kids counseling statements for
failing to clean their rooms.
your kids have to wax and buff the floor before
going to school.
your kids think gym class is good
training for real
your kids taught the daily dozen to their gym
your kids are hand receipt holders.
your kids stuck bumper-numbers on their Big
your older kids call the youngest one
your kids idolize various warriors of the past,
instead of pop-stars.
your kids sing paratrooper ballads for
your kids call their civilian counterparts:
your kids think the Army-brat appellation is a
your kids know the difference between gung-ho
your kids have a backyard bunker, a frontyard
LP, and a rooftop OP.
your kids pull night guard duty by the
your kids sound-off with
AIRBORNE every time they answer correctly.
your kids automatically drop to pump-out
20 when they make a mistake.
your kids get nonjudicial punishment for minor
infractions of the rules.
your kids visit the post stockade whenever
your kids must sound-off with their social
security number in order to eat.
your kids eat squared meals while
braced in their seats.
your kids salute their grandparents.
your family passed in review when distant
you read the UCMJ's Riot Act to your
you call your family slice elements whenever
they get together.
you coordinate assembly,
resupply, and rally points for
you formulate an Oplan for all family
you mark primary and alternate
routes on your vacation atlas.
you use topo-maps on family outings.
you prepare a lading manifest before departing
you check avenues of approach before setting-up
the family's RON site.
you establish E & E routes for family
you write movement orders for all family
you brief family actions during all vacation
a family outing without food or shelter provokes a chorus of
your kids think a summer camp without
live-fire is mickey mouse.
your dog's name is Ranger.
your cat's name is Article 15.
your cat's new litter was greeted by a 21-gun
your family's dead goldfish got a color guard
you can recite Patton's speech from memory.
you read military history for relaxation.
your FMs and TMs have marginal
notes on textual improvements.
you've ruined movies by pointing out all the unrealistic
your TV remote control must first be dispatched
except for cable news, your TV is only used to show
you jump off your couch to salute during the
National Anthem on TV.
you like living on post because you can hear
taps every night.
you think HOOAH just might be a real word!