You Might Be A Little Too HOOAH If ...
you believe that tact obstructs military
operations.
you know that life can be sustained by naps, coffee, and
adrenalin.
the prospect of buying new boots makes you
perspire with excitement.
your uniform and boots could
probably stand at attention without
you.
there is more starch on your uniform than there
is in your diet.
you have to restrain yourself from starching your
OD underwear.
the only mufti suit you own is your
Class A uniform.
you categorize non-essential field gear as
mission untransportable.
your telephone answering machine requests the daily
password.
you carry your alert pager to the shower ...
just in case.
you normally answer the phone at home like the
CQ.
the phone book lists your rank, instead of a
title.
when talking to relatives by telephone, you end the conversation
with OUT.
you call the Post Locator, instead of
Information, to find your friends.
all your friends automatically align by
rank.
you compulsively walk in-step with your
companions.
you have a grenade paperweight.
you always back into parking spaces ... just in case.
your wife knows how to PMCS the family car.
you turn on your headlights during the day and shut them off at
night.
your POV has your name stenciled on the
windshield.
your personalized license plate says At
Ease.
your alarm clock chimes reveille.
you serenaded your bride with cadence calls.
you wooed your wife by the numbers.
you gave your bride a complete set of FMs and
TMs as a wedding present.
your wife learned to spit-shine on your
honeymoon.
your wife responds to HOOAH, regardless of its
context.
you refer to your wife as HOUSEHOLD 6 or
CINC HOME.
your kids' names all begin with AR.
your family calls you SIR.
your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci
purse.
your wife stencils her underwear.
your wife has a different camo-pattern nightie
for every situation.
your wife hasn't unpacked the good china for the last six
PCS moves.
your wife has mermites in the china cabinet.
you require that everyone does six pull-ups
before sitting down to dinner.
you butter your toast with a bayonet.
your coffee cup reads: Lead The Way - All The
Way.
your meals at home are usually C-rats or
MREs ... with hot sauce.
a squeeze pouch of MRE Jalapeno Cheese Spread is
your idea of gourmet.
your household possessions were all issued by
CIF.
your wife redecorated your home in camouflage
and recycled munitions.
your wife won't buy anything that doesn't have a National
Stock Number.
household chores are posted on a duty
roster by First Sergeant
Mom.
your wife has a better high 'n' tight than your
commander.
your wife thinks cordite and gun
oil are alluring.
your daily cologne is known as "Diesel For the Real
Soldier".
your "nooners" tend to resemble PT.
your wife thinks whispered acronyms are
sexy.
you tend to dream in OD green.
your wedding anniversary is marked by an ER or
FitRep.
your wife submits a SitRep on each day's
activities.
your wife gets a letter of reprimand for failure
to perform.
your wife always RBIs NLT the
suspense date of any LO.
you had a change of command when your first wife
left.
your kids call the sandbox NTC.
you expelled your kids from the sandbox to work sand
table exercises.
your kids formed their playmates into an
OpFor.
your kids argue tactics with their friends.
your kids mount battle maps in their
bedrooms.
your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo
64.
your kids call their schoolteachers: REMFs!
your kids practice drill and ceremony at
recess.
your kids regard the playground as good
training for the obstacle
course.
your kids' babydolls all wear starched
uniforms.
your kids put hospital squared corners on their
babydoll beds.
your kids require that their toys comply with regulation
SOPs.
when your kids are too noisy, you announce At
Ease.
your kids get an L E S with their allowance.
your kids earn promotion points for
advancement.
your kids stand white-glove inspections every
weekend.
your kids learned to bounce quarters on their tightly tucked
racks.
you give your kids counseling statements for
failing to clean their rooms.
your kids have to wax and buff the floor before
going to school.
your kids think gym class is good
training for real
PT.
your kids taught the daily dozen to their gym
class.
your kids are hand receipt holders.
your kids stuck bumper-numbers on their Big
Wheels.
your older kids call the youngest one
cherry.
your kids idolize various warriors of the past,
instead of pop-stars.
your kids sing paratrooper ballads for
diversion.
your kids call their civilian counterparts:
legs!
your kids think the Army-brat appellation is a
compliment.
your kids know the difference between gung-ho
and STRAC.
your kids have a backyard bunker, a frontyard
LP, and a rooftop OP.
your kids pull night guard duty by the
mailbox.
your kids sound-off with
AIRBORNE every time they answer correctly.
your kids automatically drop to pump-out
20 when they make a mistake.
your kids get nonjudicial punishment for minor
infractions of the rules.
your kids visit the post stockade whenever
they're disrespectful.
your kids must sound-off with their social
security number in order to eat.
your kids eat squared meals while
braced in their seats.
your kids salute their grandparents.
your family passed in review when distant
relatives visited.
you read the UCMJ's Riot Act to your
in-laws.
you call your family slice elements whenever
they get together.
you coordinate assembly,
resupply, and rally points for
visits.
you formulate an Oplan for all family
vacations.
you mark primary and alternate
routes on your vacation atlas.
you use topo-maps on family outings.
you prepare a lading manifest before departing
on vacations.
you check avenues of approach before setting-up
the family's RON site.
you establish E & E routes for family
affairs.
you write movement orders for all family
outings.
you brief family actions during all vacation
halts.
a family outing without food or shelter provokes a chorus of
WETSU.
your kids think a summer camp without
live-fire is mickey mouse.
your dog's name is Ranger.
your cat's name is Article 15.
your cat's new litter was greeted by a 21-gun
salute.
your family's dead goldfish got a color guard
burial.
you can recite Patton's speech from memory.
you read military history for relaxation.
your FMs and TMs have marginal
notes on textual improvements.
you've ruined movies by pointing out all the unrealistic
military scenes.
your TV remote control must first be dispatched
before use.
except for cable news, your TV is only used to show
training videos.
you jump off your couch to salute during the
National Anthem on TV.
you like living on post because you can hear
taps every night.
you think HOOAH just might be a real word!
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