Why a Gun is Better than a Woman
- A gun doesn't care what you call it ... handgun or long gun,
rifle or shotgun, firearm or equalizer, cannon or howitzer,
peashooter or big boom.
- A gun is quintessentially itself ... it will never have an
identity crisis, and will never seek counseling.
- A gun is what it is ... so it will never change its caliber
or barrel, sights or grips just because it wants to
- Sensitivity to a gun is simple and
non-contradictory. Your gun wants you to master it all the time,
and it will never resent your mastery.
- Sensitivity training for a gun involves the proper
calibration of zero, the practice of proper shooting techniques,
the prevention of malfunctions, the practice of safe shooting
rules, the care and maintenance of the weapon.
- Your gun won't be jealous or embarrassed when you go
shopping for a new gun.
- Your gun won't ever complain about what it used to be like
before you had it!
- Your gun won't make you visit its old and ugly
- Your gun won't mind if you have a backup.
- You can legally have a gun at home and another one for the
- A gun in the kitchen won't keep you from enjoying junk food
- A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
- A gun never expects you to buy it a new holster ... and it
never complains about the color, material, detailing, or style of
its container or covering.
- A gun never goes on a shopping spree just for the fun of
it ... indulging itself in unnecessary accessories and color
- A gun won't ever ask, "Do these grips make me look
- A gun never complains that you don't take it out enough.
- Guns function the same way every single day of the
- A gun never monopolizes the bathroom.
- You can leave your gun at home alone, and it won't get
bored or lonely.
- A gun never gets distracted, whimsical, or disobedient.
- Your gun won't expect you to remember its birthday or
- You can have more than one gun residing in the same house
without having problems.
- Drooling over a beautiful gun is not illegal.
- The courts have never tried to prevent you from buying
magazines with close-up pictures of fully exposed guns in
- You can look at a magazine full of exciting pictures of
exotic guns with your gun right beside you, and your gun won't
- Staring longingly at an attractive gun will not make other
- Admiring someone else's gun is not impolite.
- If you admire a friend's gun, he'll be glad to let you try
- Complimenting or criticizing a gun will not
change its performance!
- You are expected to field strip a gun on the first date.
- An urge to disassemble your gun is not a perversion.
- Your gun will never demand payment or favors for showing you
its inner parts and openings.
- Your gun won't ever remind you about the first time you
pulled its trigger.
- A gun never objects when you touch all its inner parts.
- You never have to wonder if your gun is satisfied after
you've pulled its trigger.
- Your gun appreciates a hot load!
- Using a sabot to enhance the performance of low-velocity
small caliber ammo will not disappoint your gun.
- Getting inventive, experimental, or perverse with your gun
almost guarantees it won't work right.
- Using a lubricant on a gun is not kinky.
- A gun does not object to the use of solvents and cleansers,
brushes and mops.
- A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you're finished
- A gun never gets shy or embarrassed when you bore-sight
- It isn't immoral if you swap guns.
- When you miss the target, it will never be
your gun's fault ... and your gun will never make you feel guilty
for missing the bull's-eye.
- A gun will never leave you for another shooter.
- Your gun will stay with you, even if you're out of ammo.
- You can put a muzzle brake on a gun ... you can even put a
silencer on a gun!
- You can full choke your gun and not get arrested.
- Locking-up your gun is not considered abusive or
- You can make your gun totally harmless by unloading it.