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The Twelve Days of Field Ex

adapted from Maggie Wang and Eileen Yazzie


  • On the first day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the second day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the third day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the fourth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the fifth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the sixth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the seventh day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the eighth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  eight stressed-out sergeants screaming,
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the ninth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  nine overloaded HMMWVs in a convoy,
                  eight stressed-out sergeants screaming,
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the tenth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  ten official changes to the S-3 plan,
                  nine overloaded HMMWVs in a convoy,
                  eight stressed-out sergeants screaming,
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the eleventh day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  eleven million dollars of DX weapons and equipment,
                  ten official changes to the S-3 plan,
                  nine overloaded HMMWVs in a convoy,
                  eight stressed-out sergeants screaming,
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • On the twelfth day of the FX,
          the Army gave to me:
                  twelve privates whining,
                  eleven million dollars of DX weapons and equipment,
                  ten official changes to the S-3 plan,
                  nine overloaded HMMWVs in a convoy,
                  eight stressed-out sergeants screaming,
                  seven guard points sleeping,
                  six straight days of KP,
                  five cartons of yummy MREs,
                  four moldy tents,
                  three rank-specific Port-a-Potties,
                  two duffel bags full of gear,
                  and hour after hour of briefings without any sleep!

  • In every way it was an ordinary and entirely normal Field Ex, and the Army judged it a success! All the lifers got their tickets punched, and everybody else made plans to become civilians in the real world, where (they will learn) things are actually much worse!






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